Half the time ( Kenya on my mind)
Half of the time I'm simply living in autopilot. I'm waking up, eating , breathing, listening but not hearing. I'm moving from class to work and back to class. I can read something and five seconds later ask myself what it was about and I'll have no clue.
Half of the time my memory is hazy at best.
So I'm pausing in this very moment to ask myself why? What about the things Im consuming, reading, or seeing is making me "Hazy at best."
The last time I took a trip to Kenya (last December) i didn't watch TV for an entire month.
I didn't tweet when I was bored, nor did I claim to be multi tasking & having a conversation while deep down knowing that I couldn't relate any part of whatever the person sitting across from me had just said.
For a month my mind didn't have that incessant buzz in the background.
That annoying whining that pushes you to grab your phone and stimulate your mind for just five more minutes.
When someone talked, I was LISTENING.
When I sat outside waiting for everyone to pile into the car I noticed things like, the tortoise trying to scurry back into its tiny hole of a home.
I saw the birds flying above me and the bright almost fluorescent blue of the sky.
I heard sounds that only home would sound like.
I can confidently say that since stepping foot into this country, this overstimulated country... I have not noticed any of these mini wonders of the world.
I have had conversations where i simply chimmed in the required "uh huh".
Sat in front of the TV for hours and called it "relaxing". I have had nothing but this buzz that is quite honestly driving me insane in the back of my mind for almost a year.
This is why half of the time, half of the time I could not tell you why I'm eating what I'm eating, reading what I'm reading. Or even saying, "uh huh" when the appropriate response would've been, " omg I'm so sorry that happened to you."
So I'm nothing but glad to be going home in a few weeks.
This constant stimulation is insane.
I don't want to live on autopilot and I just might have to start cutting back on all of these stimulants...
Oh where to start!